In Wonder by R.J. Palacio, Charlotte Cody’s end-of-the-year precept reads, “It’s not enough to be friendly; you have to be a friend.” When I initially read Wonder in fourth grade, the meaning of this quote was quite obscure to me. Friends hold friendly interactions, and a friendly person is a friend — was it not true?
This past summer I reread Wonder, and found that my take on the story had changed vastly – I no longer found myself reading merely about stereotypically unsympathetic middle school students, but their growth and newfound desire to abide by an unwritten law that highlights the importance of being a true friend. Charlotte, for one, was assigned to be a welcoming buddy for Auggie Pullman, a new student, and often witnessed students subtly teasing and avoiding Auggie due to his severe facial deformity. While she knew deep down that this was wrong, Charlotte was not able to find the courage to take a stand and acknowledge Auggie with more than an occasional wave from a distance. Fortunately, with the leadership and kindness of her classmates Summer Dawson and Jack Will, most of the students learned to accept — and even celebrate — Auggie’s difference.
Thanks to Charlotte’s end-of-the-year precept, I satisfy myself with the assumption that Charlotte eventually realized she had been a bystander rather than a friend, and is now an upstanding advocate for the recognition of the unwritten law that is, ultimately, her precept. However, rereading Wonder also revealed the unfortunate reality that while Charlotte and her classmates may have learned to look past Auggie’s appearance, the general public still does not follow Charlotte’s unwritten law — we think that the best thing we can be is friendly, and this must be reformed.
I believe in the unwritten law: it’s not enough to be friendly; you have to be a friend.
Simply being friendly does not make you a friend. Yes, it is a start, but it is only the first of many steps. To truly be a friend, you must go beyond sole tolerance; you must take the initiative to form a genuine bond with someone and understand their story. You must try to step into their shoes (no matter the difference in your shoe sizes or its clash with the colors of your outfit!), feel for them, then act on that sympathy.
Granted, independence is essential, but it can only get you so far — the truth is that there are many problems remaining in this world that cannot be solved exclusively by the efforts of a single person. We are stronger together than we are as individuals, which is why rather than being friendly just for the sake of politeness, we must plant deep roots in genuine friendship and the unity of our society. After all, just because it is unwritten does not mean the unwritten law does not exist; it is the legacy of those who dare to be true friends that reveals itself in the form of the betterment of our society.
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